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A little trip

  esterday the sun was shining on Carlisle Street, Balaclava. I'd just had my hair cut and coloured, and there are very few moments when I would look as styled, despite the half active wear half casual wear outfit. My hands were full of brown paper bags from an unexpected purchase from a bakery, heavy sourdough laden with fat kalamata olives, cinnamon scroll coiled and dusted.  I needed to cross the road, busy with trams and cars and people shining in the winter light.  I've always been clumsy, bumping into tables bruises blossoming on thighs and shins, sleeves caught on door handles, toes stubbed. My phone has been dropped too many to count, the screen telling the story with cracks like a river and its tributaries stretching across the glass.  The curb angled down, but my ankle twisted, then in slow-mo the aspalt was coming up to meet me, knees then palms, bags flung out towards the tram tracks.  I pulled the bags towards me, then shakily got to my feet. People...
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Angry

I listen to Radio Melbourne, I've never rung in but my other half says if I did I'd be "Angry of Aspendale".  Usually I would say I'm not angry, I'm passionate. But at the moment I am angry, angry and disappointed, angry and sad. I feel the world we've been chipping away at has slipped away from us, so much further out of reach.  I was full of hope that the Australian public would recognise the wounds of our colonial past, would see the need for change, would heed the call made in the Statement from the Heart, and vote yes to a constitutional voice for our First Nations people.  I sat on the couch on that Saturday night, and wept for our lost opportunity, for First Nations people who had worked so hard and held such open hearts for reconciliation to have the door slammed in their face. For our Nation beholden to fear, to the status quo, to the deeply held and mostly unacknowledged discrimination and racism.  I wept, and my 10 year old held me, and I felt b...

Where are you from? Where is Home?

The workers in Warpole Park unpacking a truck were speaking Italian, calling back and forth instructions. When people ask them where they are from, do they say the region of Italy, the town where their parents where born, christened and wed? What if their mum is from a region far from their dad's birthplace that whispers stories that are vastly different; of mountains and snow, rather than seaside? What if they've never been to these towns? What if it's only these stories? Are they still from Italy? Do they FEEL they are from Italy? Does it matter to them?  I've always been from at least two places. And I write about this more than anything else. Wales, England. Australia.  Tomorrow I fly home to Melbourne, from my home in London. From my Dad, step-mum and brothers to my husband, to my children.  What makes a home? Is it the knowing of a place in all its seasons? The calls of the birds and insects? The scurry of the mammals in the night. Is it the scent in the morning? ...

That's not fair

  When I was growing up I didn’t really understand the relevance of International Women’s Day. In my family, my brothers and I were encouraged to believe we could be anything we wanted to be. I didn’t see the structural inequities until later. Not so for my children, in the run up to IWD I was talking to my 9-year-old about the patriarchy, as you do. I told him the world was made for men, and he said “No it’s not”. I said “The Prime Minister is a man, the Premier is a man, most of the Premiers are men. We’ve had one woman PM – one. Most big bosses are men. Cars have been designed for me, air-conditioning has been designed for men. The world has been designed for men, and it is invisible – it’s called the patriarchy.” He said “That’s not fair.” And it isn’t – it isn’t fair. This year’s theme for International Women’s Day was Embracing Equity – equity meaning fairness and justice. We are still so far from equity, and the invisible cultural norms and societal structures still hold and...

2022 Dark vs Light

 This is my year, 2 is my number.  This year was my 40th. But like so many people are experiencing, this new normal is far from .... optimal. The pandemic hangs over us like a big black cloud, casting its shadow over everything we do, making us look harder for the light. And here I am, with covid, missing festivities, drinking an ocean of tea and swapping between Silent Witness, Dead to Me, and my current read, The Sentence is Death- yes there is a theme there. This year looking on the dark side: I had a 3 week headache which completely freaked me out, had to have an MRI which freaked me out it even more.     We all got covid. Then there was the terrible head cold that I caught on the plane to the UK and promptly gave to my Dad and Step mum.  Chops got covid in London, my nephew got chicken pox and we missed out on going to Wales.   Back in Aus my best friend left the country. I had minor surgery, which didn't achieve its aim, but still required 2...

Friends and family

 I've been thinking lot about family, about connection, love and loss. I'm a migrant, an immigrant, with at least two homes. The pandemic has made these two homes further apart. In this Australian home over the sixteen years, I've woven a friend family; strong and nurturing - mostly female - connections. We hold each other up, pull each other out, laugh and cry and do it all again.  The week my dear dear friend is leaving me. But that's me being selfish. She's going home, home to her first home, to be surrounded by blood family and the laugher of her grandsons (possibly crying too, but that's part of the wonder of children).  We've drank an ocean of wine together, and a galaxy of coffee. A library of messages have passed between us. We've called each other in the midst of panic attacks, we've given each other advice, told each other off, looked after each other's kids. Gone on road trips, and weekends away, had sleepovers. We've baked ...

Camping in the time of omicron

My second-born loves our annual family camping trip. He talks about all year long. He tells people we've just met about it. It's a defining feature of his year, the sparkling jewel, and once he even expressed it is better than Christmas.  January 2022, the rolling chaos of covid smashes omicron on the world. It's summer here downunder, but this winter-loving virus decided that it was going to spread in this sun-baked land anyway. We are passed lockdowns, even with tens of thousands of new cases every day. I think people in Victoria would crack into little pieces if another lockdown was announced.  So, we must individually pick and choose where and when to take the risk of catching bloody covid. Knowing that if we couldn't go camping my little one’s heart would break, I minimised my risk in the run up, cancelling my yoga classes, skipping my beloved singing lessons and avoiding shopping centres and indoor gatherings. There was a potential close contact for Moo, but...